Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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