there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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