I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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