Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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