I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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