am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
