D3 body, D1 cock
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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