Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My feet surprised me
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