your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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