I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
