I just pynch a tree in the face
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
