You smell like stripper and shame
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
