i'm lost and i look like a hooker
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
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