Please, let me fuck your mom
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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