Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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