wake up i wanna do it froggy style
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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