Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
