i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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