I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
