If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
