I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
