oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize