I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
