you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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