I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
