How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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