i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
