I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
