He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
