Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
