we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Actions speak louder than pants.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
