I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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