I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
