He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
where are my eyebrows?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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