What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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