Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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