my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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