Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
