Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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