Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
