My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
