Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
