how can u be prego again
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
