I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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