I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
