my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It's shark week go big or go home
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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