He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize