i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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