I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
