alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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