she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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