All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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