I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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