The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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