Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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