i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Operation Purity has been aborted
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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