A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize