My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
