i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
