You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
