literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
